Dark faces with hopeless eyes, looked at me from the screen of the PowerPoint presentation. These were the faces of refugees in Thailand. The children born and raised for a future of possible slavery. Who would like to go and help? The invitation was made. I was afraid to say yes, but at the same time, something inside me told me that these are the children I must go help. This is the place I should be calling my home.
To love the children sacrificially. To take part in their healing process. To bring them joy. “Yes Lord, send me,” I said. I was ready to set off on this new mission and eagerly awaited the day I would go to save the children.
Little did I know that I was the one who would need healing.

The first few months in Thailand were spent in worrying about the children we work with, praying for and with them and spending as much time together as possible. Then my true nature came through and I realized how I broken I was and how incapable I was of giving them the love that they so need.
Personal struggles with burdens over mistakes made and the unbelief of Gods unconditional love regardless of my imperfection kept me from reaching out and giving love. Though I saw their desire for attention and time together, something inside me held me back and I was not there wholly for them.

Instead, they came to me and God used them to minister to me. He showered the abundance of His love upon me through them.
A real purple flower bracelet, was hung on my wrist and a small bouquet of flowers was given from the heart of a little girl, who herself longed to be loved. God used this small child to remind me of His love for me, at a time when I least believed it.
Wait, is something wrong with this picture? Isn’t it I who is supposed to be helping these children heal?
Its interesting that God uses broken people to heal other broken people.

Sitting after school one day, burdened over a hard day, one of the girls walked into class, placed a crown of flowers she had made on my head, and left. I felt as if the Lord Himself crowned me with His steadfast love. Healing came.

Yet another time, when reading a book where words of Gods love speak and the phrase,” Just believe it. Believe that you’re accepted by God,” a girl walked in out of nowhere, handed me a small bouquet of pure white, sweet- smelling flowers and walked out. Flowers from heaven, reminding me of my righteousness in Christ. The Lord was helping me to believe.

If that wasn’t enough for me to believe, here is yet another moment. A few days later, another girl handed me a necklace as a gift. Can you guess what it said on the emblem? LOVE.
From broken homes, not knowing parental love, these children love more than I could love.

This is one of the ways God shows me His love, and yet I still struggle with unbelief.
And while I struggle with doubt and thoughts of unworthiness, the children yearn. They look on, dark eyes hungry and wait to receive love.

Will I choose to receive the acceptance and love God offers me in order to freely give it away?
Will I rest in His perfect righteousness and rejoice over His love for me? Will I let Him fill me and heal me in order to help the children? It is a choice that needs to be made daily.

What do you choose?

I trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown.
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy,
I lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross.